Broken heart.

A week ago today, 10/3/2013, we lost a great man, my dad, Bill Spellman.

Last Thursday morning, my dad got on his motorcycle, like he does every Monday-Friday, and started his 4 mile trip to work. When my dad drank his cup of coffee, smoked his morning cigarette, and put on his shoes to leave, he did not know that all of those actions would be his last. 

12 hours before the accident, Dad was over at our home, celebrating Sophia's 3rd birthday. We made dinner, he played with his grand kids, he hugged them, he watched his only granddaughter open gifts, and he laughed. When we said bye to my dad, we said that we would see him over the weekend. That was our plan.

Less than a mile from his work, a teenage kid ran head on into my dad. The doctors and police say that he died instantly. I quote, "When he arrived at the hospital he had no heartbeat. Since he is so young and strong, we tried for 30 minutes to revive him". They let us see my dad laying on the table in the hospital room where they tried to bring my dad back to life. 

Because of one moment that someone, some teenage kid, was not paying attention while he was driving, our whole lives changed. That one moment, turned several lives upside down. That one moment took away a husband. A daddy. A greatly loved grandpa. A brother. An uncle. A friend. 

That pain .... the pain we all feel, the void that is now a part of all of us, can never be filled. Instead, we try to find comfort in our faith, and in memories. 

Some of my aunts and uncles requested for me to send out the speech I wrote for my dad's viewing this past Monday night. I wrote that speech, at 2 am, when the ache in my heart forced me to write out some words. 

"My dad was my rock. My go-to for advice. My hands for comfort. My voice of reason.

Who was Bill Spellman to you? What do you think when you hear the name ‘Bill Spellman’? I’ll bet you think – Fun. Proud. Dedicated. Strong. Consistent.

My dad was a go-getter. When he wanted something, he put his whole heart into the effort. My husband Nate, one of my dad’s best friends, and I were talking a couple nights ago about how my dad always had projects. “This grass could be greener”, “These shelves could be sturdier”, “These cars could be shinier”. But my dad didn’t make any old project sound like just any old project – he made that project sound like it was about to change his life, like his life’s mission was to complete this project. Dedicated. Any when that task was complete, oh Nate and I heard every detail! Proud. And he tackled life and all that came with it, with the same drive at every turn. Consistent. Passionate.

Tonight we celebrate a gift that God gave to each of us sitting in this room – my dad. My dad’s presence was larger than life. You knew when he was near, and you could feel the void if he wasn’t.

I’m going to miss eagerness for all of the things life had to offer. I’m going to miss his booming laugh. I’m going to miss his bear hugs. I’m going to miss the way he walked, and the way he thought his Obama jokes were hilarious. I already miss and yearn for his phone calls … to hear his voice once more.

But more than anything, I will miss the way my dad loved his family. He always wanted sons, but God challenged him with daughters. He raised us 3 with a lot of fight and hardness, knowing one day he would be called to the Lord, and my sisters and I would continue his legacy. We will kick ass and take names, Bill Spellman style. We will fight for what we believe in, and we will love hard, because we are Bill Spellman’s daughters. And I will gratefully teach and remind my children of what an amazing and loving grandpa they had.

My little William Thomas Spellman will take everything he has learned from his grandpa these last 10 years, and proudly wear that name, just like my dad did. As his first grandson, I know Will is going to keep his gramps’ memory alive – work hard, play hard. Jacob, my dad’s redheaded firecracker of a twin, will help us to remember my dad’s love of life, and the laughter and joy that resided in him. Sophia, grampy’s girl, will remind us of the kind heart and intense love my dad possessed. Andrew will remind us of the spunk and determination that was my dad.

I will miss my dad terribly, no words could ever describe how much, but my dad, my pops, will live on in each one of us. Hold your head high, love hard, and cheer on Notre Dame, because my dad is still with us, watching us, and loving us."

These pictures were taken the night before my dad entered his eternal life... this is how we'll always remember him.

Cuddling with the birthday girl, aka Grampy's Girl

His model face

Saying "cheers" to his girl

Thank you to all of our friends and family who are loving us and supporting us during this tragedy. We could not have made it this last week without you. I know each of you shares in our pain, and I am proud of my dad for making an impact in so many lives.

Forever in our hearts Daddy.